I have learned to love and forgive myself but that was and still is "the hardest thing" one can do for themselves.
Was in relationships with then "the love of my life" was 16yrs that time and he was my first. We dated for 6 full years ,everything i did i made sure the outcome will bring joy and happiness in him.... owww after one year of dating got pregnant for him. On 7th year in our relationship we got married, Yes there were ups and downs but i trusted him and yes things still were the same i worshipped him, whatever he said was final. .....After all he was 10 years older then me.
Months after our marriage, he got sick very sick. I basically did everything for him eg. (Wash him, help him to dress himself and even hold him when his walking )If where i got that strength to do all those things even today i ask myself. We went up and down hospital to hospital till he got better and strong and was up on his feet.
Was so grateful to God for the strength he gave me and for him to fully ok and back to work but little did i know after all that ordeal I will cry myself to sleep and tears will be my day to day .
He started partying to much comes home at midnight and from there not coming back. It came to not coming home for the whole weekend and what could i have done just to hope he will get tired, at this point I don't even get am sorry or be told were he comes from.
He said he wanted another child coz our first born was old enough to have a sister /brother as for me I was so stressed out a baby was the last thing on my mind but I had NO say anyways and was so tired had no fighting energy in me so I let it be "first try got pregnant "
Yooo that was the worst pregnancy journey. Once it was confirmed o was pregnant ,things went from bad to worse. He could talk any how he feels and he made sure we will fight every day then my mother in law said must go and stay with them...I went
He would call my mother in law but never once called my phone then his mother will force her phone to me like am here with your wife then she will put the phone on my ear, that will be the only time i could hear his voice it would be a just hi then will follow with my airtime is about to finish bye.
It continued to be like that for a month on my stay with his parents then if his mother is giving the phone to me he will cut it off, months pass with out me talking with him but his mother was still talking to his son and if it's his pay day he would normally come buy things for our upkeep but that stop he would buy things not even telling me I will just see kids and his father bringing staff in the house and they would say my husband called saying kids should run to the road and collect things his rushing somewhere.
Months pass not seeing or talking to him and people that I stayed with they could see I wasn't OK....mind you clinics and hospital were a far distance and I was heavily pregnant, so his mom called him that time is not far for me to give birth he must come and fetch me.
Days go on with No word from my husband so my in laws gave me money to go to my husband to the city, heavily pregnant I had to take public transport .
Got home he was not there and after sometime he got back No how was your journey nothing he only called his mother asking her reasons why am here don't know what his mother's answer was.
Day 2 being home in my house my husband moved to our old son's bed saying he can't sleep because of me and am huge finishing space for him so now we are not sharing the same bed anymore i said nothing.
If he doesn't come home or comes back midnight I would say nothing not even one single word i will just open for him. I gave birth he never come to the hospital his aunt came to take me home....owww he only called to give me a name for baby to register him by.
Thing got worse he was not helping me with the baby even when he saw i was in pain I couldn't move.
My father in law came to see the baby then he saw I was not coping so he took me with him to the rural areas.
Again communication stopped from my husband, it was time for the baby's check up so had to go back to my house and at least now the pain was gone and it was June school holidays so my older son was by his grandparents (husband's parents ).
We had a big argument he was telling me his tired with our marriage and he needs a new life so he wants to start fresh without me, it was late and he was drank "I thought " following day I asked him about all the things he said and did he mean them....got No response from him, he just left.
He came back late in the evening and he was with my older son, I was shocked but didn't not ask anything.
As I was about to get in bed "we are still not sharing a bed" from nowhere started a fight that what he said yesterday he meant it and that he made it easy for he bought my son, So that if I go to my mother's home I could go with the kids. I was in shock did not know what to say or do, I started crying not knowing what next.
I did some laundry at night could sleep ,in the morning i dry the clothes when am done I start packing he asked when I leave I must drop the keys next-door.
I could see his was done with our marriage so I asked as you know am not working how will I manage the kids so we made arrangements that we meet in town on his pay day for the kids staff and that was it. But he never stand by our arrangements and had to take him to court.
That drained me even more going in and out in court for maintenance, I just dropped everything like that because it was so stressful and God blessed me with a job. So I focused on that.
That's all how it ended. ...I never had time to be a teenager, I wasted my whole teenage journey.
Now am single mother of two beautiful boys "14yr &9yr"old.
I work as a housekeeper "my time for education I wasted it" now have to build a bright future for my sons and I could say am doing just fine by the help of my mother.
As for him life dealt with with him, I heard the new wife got pregnant by someone else and he lot his job, house and cars.
As for love-life, I have shift that on my kids😂😂and trying everyday to be the best mom ever.
Am happy.. Am strong and Am free

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