I met “Prince Charming” January of 2010, he bought me a diamond necklace 12 days after I met him, he seemed sweet, kind, caring, maybe a little “pushy” to get into my life but I could over look that he told me stories of childhood abuse and trauma how his mother had abused him when he was a child. My heart broke for him, I thought I could love him enough to take away all his pain.
4 months later he was drunk and arguing with me, he grabbed my face, and screamed at me, I was scared there was this glossed over look in his eyes like he was capable of much worse. “Prince charming “ was ever so sorry the next day he told me he was drunk it would never happen again and that wasn’t the type of person he was. I negotiated with my self he hadn't actually hit me, he hadn't actually left a bruise, was it really abuse if there was no bruise? I got back together with “prince charming” the summer of 2010 was filled with games of him telling me he was going to leave me I'd cry and beg him to stay with me. Then we would play the game all over the next weekend. Then we got pregnant with a beautiful baby boy. Our son was born and I couldn’t of been happier except a switch went off in “prince charming's" head he got mean. He kicked me in the stomach 5 weeks after delivering our baby boy via c section. I was lucky my stitches didn’t come open , I was so hurt emotionally it wasn’t the physical pain that made me cry it was the emotional pain .
6 months after that, he was drunk one night and choked me with his hands around my neck. I was scared he had never done that before it only last less than 10 seconds but I was scared of him. 1 month after that was our sons first Christmas, we should have been celebrating as a family of 3 but instead we ended up fighting. We were in the closet when he grabbed me by the throat again. This time he didn’t let go so quickly, this time I thought my life was going to be over at 22 years old with an 8-month baby boy was going to grow up without a mother all I felt was complete sadness wash over me. In that moment the “prince charming “ mask had fallen off, all I seen in him was a dark, mean, cruel, evil spirit. I dropped to the floor as he let me go. I just cried and begged him not to kill me on my closet floor .
2013 came and went with more trauma of a face being bruised because I was pushed into a wall. A trip to the emergency room because he had split my tongue open. When a nurse quietly asked me if my partner had did it to me , I lied ..I said no as he was waiting outside my hospital bed. I tried to leave ..probably about 7 times or more in total ..but he was always so sorry. There was always more unkept promises . In 2015 I was pregnant again with our baby girl , he hit me in the stomach while I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant ,than he denied it , luckily our baby girl was fine , she was born and I was so in love with my 2 beautiful kids , but I felt so beaten down , so exhausted , so worthless. When 2016 came I finally felt a fire under my ass and it was time ..it was time to give my kids a better life , it was time to fight to get back to my happy , get back my self esteem my confidence , my peace ..the life I deserved I was going to fight for it ..August 18th 2016 ..The police were called , I told them I didn’t feel safe in my home and there was a long list of domestic violence charges on file they could see, they forced “prince charming “ out of our home , they bossed him around telling him what he could and couldn’t take from the home , he was barely allowed a garbage bag of belongings to take , and I never let him move back in this time ..its been 5 and a half years later now and one hell of a fight to get where I'm at but my life turned out even better than I ever could’ve imagined, I've never felt so happy and grateful every day to just be alive , I feel so content and at peace , my kids are being raised in a peaceful loving respectful home , they’re doing amazing and I met my “gun toting red neck hillbilly” he never tried to pretend to be someone he wasn’t ,he supported me through some dark days and never judged me ,were engaged and I'm a step mom of 2 more beautiful kids. I took up running again something I loved to do when I was younger , I try to run almost every day and with every mile I run , I run off the anger , I run off the resentment , I run off the feeling’s of shame , I have ran 41 pounds off , with every mile my legs get stronger and I smile to myself knowing I'm a bad ass b**** and I made it out of the dark trenches ..and I pray for the people who are scared to make that first giant “step “ I pray they have the courage to fight for the life they know they deserve too .
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