When you spend days on end in the hospital with a deathly sick four year old and a newborn attached to you—only to come home to “When are you going to start taking care of your own goddamn family?” (Referring to the meals that were being brought by friends)
(It’s stressful having a sick child, he doesn’t mean it, right?)

When you order pizza, asking 3 times to make sure the toppings are what he wants, the crust is right, the price is acceptable—only to get it home and “What the f***, it was how much?”
(Maybe I should’ve asked again. I’m not very good at doing things correctly, anyway, right?)

When you get physically kicked out of bed, then go attempt to sleep on the couch—only to be followed out and have a flashlight shining in your eyes “You think you’re going to sleep tonight?!”
(If I just would’ve done what he wanted, it wouldn’t be like this, right?)

When he backs out of watching the kids while you’re working, and says “figure it out,” proceeded by “tell me where they are now, or you’ll see your kids on an Amber alert.”
(Wait. What? You told me to figure it out, so I did.)

When you’re told to “get the f*** out of this house if you can’t be a Godly wife”—only to leave, and then be told you’re “taking it all,” “destroying the family,” and “a selfish c***.”

THEN, you start to see..

When you drive, shaking and crying to the attorney’s office to file for divorce—only to learn that he’s left the state, using your credit cards, and all the money’s been wired to off shore accounts. (He “made all the money while I played with kids all day,” remember?)

When you get pictures, and threatening messages saying “I’m 100% protected, and they don’t extradite people for this stuff.”—only to realize he’s fled the COUNTRY to escape any enforcement of US laws.

THEN, you KNOW. The questioning of myself stops. “Did I do the right thing?” is no longer something that crosses my mind. Now I fight to regain ME. To re-establish normal for the kids and help them heal from trauma. To reassure them that I will never abandon them and will love them no matter what.

Abuse is not always bruises and broken bones. It’s grooming and manipulation until the person no longer sees normal vs distorted.

Get help. You can’t do it on your own, but there are LOTS of people that will love and support as you put one foot in front of the other, to create peace and joy in your life once again. God has a plan.


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