Falling in love can be an exhilarating and blissful experience. It seems you have found the perfect partner. They seem to love everything about you. They shower you with attention and gifts. You feel extremely lucky to have found them and are certain you’ve found “the one.” They’ve literally swept you off your feet, they want a commitment, and seem to want the same things as you. However, once you commit to a relationship with them and take the relationship to the next level by moving in together or getting married, the relationship completely changes. They begin to be very critical of you. The things they once loved about you now seem to annoy and anger them. They insist on getting their own way and your wants and needs now take a back seat to theirs and are no longer even considered. They may have exhibited explosive anger and cruelty toward you over relatively minor things. You no longer recognize the person you fell in love with. You most likely began to try harder to please them to improve the relationship and bring it back to the state of bliss that it once was to no avail. You may feel as though nothing you do is ever good enough. You feel as though you are living to serve your partner and no longer recognize your former self. They may have become possessive and controlling and have cut you off from family and friends, and you feel trapped in the relationship. Where they were once supportive of your goals, and dreams, they now discourage you. You feel as though you have completely lost yourself trying to improve the relationship and bring it back to what it once was. You wonder what happened and believe that it is all your fault as your partner blames you for their behavior. They may apologize, and things may improve temporarily, but the same behavior eventually emerges. If this sounds familiar, you likely have a narcissistic partner.
The following are signs that you have a narcissistic partner.
1) In the beginning, they seemed like the perfect partner, however, after fully committing to the relationship, they now seem to have a jekyll and hyde personality.
2) When they do anything nice for you or anyone else, they do it from their ego in order to get attention.
3) They regularly gossip and put others down behind their backs.
4) They seek attention and constantly need their ego stroked.
5) They can’t take criticism of any kind.
6) They have a need for excessive admiration and need to be recognized as superior or special.
7) They need to project a perfect image of themselves and of a perfect family.
8) They treat their partners well in public but abuse them in private.
9) They don’t have a realistic view of themselves or others.
10) They are very moody for no reason.
11) They believe rules and ethics don’t apply to them.
12) They are very controlling, of finances, your social life, even what you wear.
13) They don’t respect boundaries, at all, ever.
14) They will not apologize, ever, except to manipulate you.
15) They will not accept responsibility for their lives, actions, nor their behavior. 16) They constantly shift blame. It is always someone else’s fault.
17) They are unfaithful.
18) They are extremely manipulative.
19) They lie, A LOT, and are very skilled at it.
20) They are very vengeful and vindictive.
21) They use people and then discard them.
22) They are judgmental, self-righteous, and hypocritical.
23) They isolate you from family and friends.
24) They struggle to work for other people.
25) You find yourself repeatedly having to explain basic human decency and respect to your partner.
26) They have to be viewed as the best at everything all the time.
27) If you dare leave the relationship, they will slander you and spread vicious rumors and lies. If they can no longer control you, they will control how others see you.
28) They either want you to dress way too revealing, or dress like a nun.
29) They react unpredictably, have explosive anger, and violent outbursts.
30) If you do not agree with them about everything, all the time, there will be hell to pay.
31) They insist on getting their own way, and they will manipulate, control, and bully others to get what they want. It’s their way, or no way.
32) They are verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive.
33) They are prone to addictions such as alcohol, drugs, or porn.
34) If you confront them about their abusive behavior and/or attempt to set a boundary, they will use your normal reaction to abuse to portray you as the crazy abuser. They will try to make you believe that the problem is not their abuse, but your reaction to it.
35) You will never convince them that they have a problem and need therapy. 36) They treat you like trash and then act like nothing ever happened, and will gaslight you and claim that it never happened.
37) You feel lost and no longer recognize your former self.
38) You are not living up to your potential nor living for yourself, but living to serve your partner.
39) You are either being pressured into, or you’ve found yourself going against your integrity or values for the sake of love, or to satisfy your partner. 40) Sex with your partner seems to be strictly about physical gratification rather than emotional connection.
41) You realized over time that it is easier to change or suppress who you are to cater to their whims and needs in order to keep the peace.
42) Your partner frequently interrupts you when you are talking, and dominates the conversation, changing the subject back to them both in public and in private.
43) Your partner doesn’t listen to you, and has no interest in your thoughts, feelings, or opinions, only what you can do for them.
44) They are extremely disrespectful, both in public as well as in private.
45) Your wants and needs are never considered, only your partners.
46) Your partner discourages you from pursuing hobbies, goals, or dreams, or anything that threatens their control or outshines them in any way.
47) Your partner is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive.
48) Your partner uses intimidation to control you.
49) If your partner can’t control you through manipulation or control, they will pass threats.
50) Your partner can be cruel and lack empathy and compassion. However, they can fake it to gain your trust.
51) Your partner has a superiority complex and believes they are superior to everyone, even their own family members.
52) Your partner has a sense of entitlement.
53) Your partner expects you to abide by and fulfill their expectations without question.
54) Your partner is very envious and jealous of others.
55) Your partner behaves in an arrogant manner, and comes across as conceited or pretentious.
56) Your partner has difficulty regulating emotions and their behavior.
57) Your partner has extreme difficulty dealing with stress and adapting to Change.
58) You feel completely engulfed by your partner. They consume every moment of your day. Even while at work, they will text, call, or email you numerous times from early in the morning and throughout the day to the point of feeling overwhelmed.
59) Your partner’s apologies are empty and they use phrases such as “I Love You” to manipulate.
60) Your partner always plays the victim, in every circumstance.
61) Your partner is selfish and self-absorbed. They expect to be the center of your universe at all times and expect their wants and needs to be your top priority. If several of the above signs resonate with you, you likely have a narcissistic partner.
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