I wanted all of these things for us. I wanted a partnership. I wanted to grow old. I wanted to go on adventures. I wanted a friend. I lived with hope everyday despite knowing it was just fantasy. But I knew no matter how much I tried it just wasn’t in the cards. I knew I could hope and change and work all I want but if it’s one sided then it wouldn’t ever turn out how I longed for.
But had a I known I was talking to him wrong and listening wrong. Had I realized he was what he was, at least we could have fought less, cried less, and had a more enjoyable life these past 15 years. It would have ended the same. And I’m ok with it. But it’s hard to not beat yourself up because you didn’t recognize the signs and adapt to a different way of responding to the bs that he brought to the table.
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